Fall didn’t express itself much upon arrival but yesterday the cold air slapped me in the face as I stepped outside and realized summer is most likely finally over. Just days ago I complained that it was abnormally warm for October, but now it feels abnormally cold. “What happened to all the 60 degree days? The in-between?” I asked my boyfriend. “That’s right now. It’s 59 degrees,” he answered, laughing. “Feels like 40,” I said, shivering. “But it’s warm in the sun,” he said. I nodded, “like San Francisco.”
Every time a new season arrives I get so upset and insist that I never liked whatever has arrived then by the time it’s over I’m upset about whatever is coming next again and it never ends. It doesn’t matter how many times it happens. When I was younger I experienced more eagerness for each new season, less grasping for the last. The first days of fall were exciting. I’d like to feel more in sync with nature, hibernate when it hibernates, wake up when it wakes up. I am appreciating the changes though, I really am, I love October. I like the cozy dark nights and seasonal foods, writing on the couch in the lamplight while drinking something hot, in something warm like my big blue sweater with the extra long sleeves.
Thoughts & affirmations:
I accept my mood, I accept how much energy I have, I accept how much I accomplished today, I accept how much I accomplished in the last 7 days, I accept my current level of presence, I accept my capacity, I accept my strengths, I accept the areas I want to work on, I accept my state of mind, I accept the pace my thoughts are flowing in this moment, I accept myself
We toasted to Grandma’s birthday, we missed her but knew she was there. The sun sets early now and we were all bundled in our scarves. I had green tea ice cream and sat up drinking chamomile next to my dog. When I woke up the leaves were falling outside, and I wondered why they were yellow instead of bright red or orange. Slipped on some shoes and poured a cup of coffee, then went out back. Charlie followed me, on his own mission to pee in the flower bed. I sipped coffee and looked at the water. A misty rain began to reach us so we went back inside. I ate a can of chickpeas for breakfast and thought about a conversation topic I’ve been coming across: whether boundaries are making us less community-oriented or worse friends? I thought of my own tendencies to draw boundaries with friends rather than attempting to resolve certain conflicts. I wondered why this must always be discussed in such black and white terms; why must we choose between boundaries and community/friendship? I feel that maybe we don’t have to.
