How to survive August
Go through your space and aim to find 5 things that are trash and can be easily thrown away. If youāre not sure whether something should be thrown away, itās not the correct item for this exercise. Do this once a week. Today I threw away two receipts from my kitchen table, an empty serum bottle that had been sitting by the bathroom sink, the box from AirPods gifted to me secondhand 3 years ago, and a stretched out hair tie that had fully maxed out its potential. Tell me what you end up finding and throwing away.
Create stretches of time where your routine is consistent and spacious, because this is where things often grow. Movement happens when one is out and about and in it, but foundational strength improves from being with what is in front of you. How can I go out into the world if Iāve not tended to my foundation? Put more plainly, how can I go out if I have no clean laundry? How can I have a guest over if Iām never here long enough to create space for them at my cluttered table. In this way nervous system healing work and home tending are very similar. In general, the more I focus on my foundation, the more Iām able to get out there and have fun. The more scattered I am, the more likely I am to suddenly shut down. This is all about patience, and adjustment. Pretending is not useful here. Proving oneself is not useful, and trying to do what others seem to be doing just to fit in and avoid weird looks or questions is also not useful. And, any capacity borrowed from yourself is eventually accounted for.
Stop saying sorry when you pause to take a photo or video. Stop being self-conscious for capturing the moment. Do not question the impulse to photograph yourself. Some act like these are problematic modern compulsions that remove us from the moment. And maybe thatās sometimes true, itās worth moving with enough intention and presence to be able to recognize if your desire to or manner of documenting a moment is taking away from your experience. But when itās not, do remember that people have been taking photos of the things around them, the food they eat, and themselves, for a very long time. And before they photographed it, they painted it. Or had someone else paint it. There is nothing new here, perhaps if anything the creative documentation of everyday life is just more accessible than ever. Some call it the creator economy. I optimistically see it as a golden age for creativity. In my mind AI has only a small part in it. In fact I expect that the more the businesspeople and the tech people push automatons on us, the more they pay to have the media tell us itās the future of everything, the more the public will become averse to it. We are already seeing this. No one wants AI art, not even the famous people. Yes millions of people consume slop every day but in comment sections I just see complaints. Stop saying sorry for being a human documenting human life. You are the revolution.
Pre-order your friendsā books.
It is okay if you cannot bend to every whim. Itās alright if you cannot meet invitations to spontaneity from yourself or others with constant Yesses. What I mean is, think of someone you know who has preferences. Maybe that person is you, maybe this bullet is not for you. If you have trouble saying no or become overwhelmed when faced with navigating what you need or want in relation to the needs or wants of others or yourself, it may be for you. Consider that you are just like any other person with needs and preferences and a capacity all your own. Consider that you can become a kind of self-assured person who is okay with saying no or expressing whatever it is you do want. Consider that itās safe to do so. You can suggest an alternative time, or date, or place. You can decline an invitation without it being a big to-do. You can say when you donāt like something, and what youād prefer. You can voice opinions and views others may disagree with, and you donāt have to fight with them about it. You donāt have to be cruel about it, you shouldnāt need to be cruel about it. You can just do you, and everyone will be alright. Consider yourself in equal measure to the other people you keep so close in your consideration.
If you want to expand your capacity for spontaneity, focus on grounding and remember that spontaneity can be micro-dosed like anything else. There is a gray area/middle ground in that you can get your taste for adventure satisfied without terrifying yourself or pushing too far beyond your limits. For instance, just because you arenāt up for a spontaneous trip to another city doesnāt mean you wouldnāt enjoy a spontaneous night out nearby. Like you donāt have to be all or nothing, life is better when lived in balance anyway. And remember that there is no inherent moral value in saying yes to things you donāt want to do, the same way there is no inherent moral value in saying no. You can always be good either way. The more we can accept the neutrality of our choices and the concept that it is not the choice but rather how we choose to feel about the choice that dictates how things evolve, the more we can start making choices that truly nourish us.
Watch a really good movie. Add a new favorite to your list. Get recommendations, maybe choose a few to check out. Keep going til you watch something youāve properly enjoyed. Now when some asks if youāve seen anything good you can tell them. Bonus points if you go to a movie theater. A couple months ago I went to a showing of an old Meryl Streep and Diane Keaton movie I was gifted a ticket to. It was not a film I wouldāve chosen myself but it was good, and fun to go out and see something new. I ended up relating to it more than expected. I was tired but had some coffee beforehand, we went to a late night showing, it was a good time. I say this as someone who prefers to stay in basically always. One of these days Iāll join Letterbxed or something.
Life is easier emotionally when you are okay with being misunderstood. By nature misunderstanding happens all the time, sometimes we may think others understand but of course without being in someoneās head or going to great pains to ensure aligned thinking one canāt really say. There are also many times when people do truly understand but differences in communication cause a general energy of feeling unseen to permeate the interaction. This is all part of being human, and itās why practicing expressing ourselves clearly is important and itās also why being present and approaching communications with good faith is important, taking our time when listening and speaking. Not to be perfect but because I think a lot of us just want to understand and be understood and so we should give ourselves the best chance at that when possible, while also being okay with when it isnāt happening. Because at the end of the day we donāt need to fully understand each other to be human together. An affirmation for this: āI can be misunderstood and still feel safeā and āunderstanding does not have to be a prerequisite for connectionā. Ultimately I do think people do kind of have a deep animal need to feel seen which is why we hang around with those who make us feel that way, so Iād advocate for more so a tolerance and lesser degree of fear or panic around misunderstanding, rather than forgoing the goal of being or feeling understood entirely. Just accept that some will understand, some wonāt, you may get better at expressing yourself and be understood by many or that self-betterment may actually lead to more feelings of misunderstanding. The point is that itās not a big deal because thereās plenty of time to work around to understanding so long as we value it. Let go of needing to feel understood and understand everything right this second and trust that it will come, probably through an unexpected route.
Dance. This is non-negotiable: a prescription for intuitive physical movement. Anywhere, any time you choose. Donāt skip this one I mean it!
Add a new comfort meal to the roster. Whether you cook, do quick prep, or order in - try something different, maybe a couple different things like with the movies, and settle on a favorite with the intention to add it to your regularly scheduled (or in my case chaotic unscheduled spontaneous) meal planning. In the last year or so I started making bolognese a couple times a month.
Whatever it is, you will get to it, there is no need to panic. Breathe, one moment at a time. Sometimes I set a timer or reminder for things that are weighing unfinished on me and need to be dealt with (communications, chores, etc.), so that at least until that alert goes off I can free myself from it, with the trust that I wonāt forget or stray away for too long. Taking a meaningful break sometimes gets a lot accomplished.
Get some kind of juice or cold seltzer and drink it while the sun sets. Yes this breaks my cold beverages in the heat rule, yes thatās okay. On other occasions Iāve recommended sweet hot mint tea at sunset. You do you.
I repeat: do you. There is no shape you could squeeze yourself into that would make people who donāt want to understand you finally understand. There is power in not explaining everything to an ornery, demanding audience. Those who want to understand can endeavor to do so whenever you grant them the opportunity as it aligns with your true expression. Those who do not want to understand wonāt. This is not a reflection of you. Go down to the river, let it go with the waves, and come back up with a clear head.
Btw āĖā” Iām having a Leo season sale on my merch for my birthdayā¦ check it out at chicfeast.com
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