How to survive burnout
part one
Listen to the little feeling. You know that little feeling, it’s the thing that screams I Can’t Take Another Minute Of This while the larger, habitual, automatic “responsible” part pushes through, says Shh Quiet Down, We’re Almost Done. We do this again and again thinking there is no cost, borrowing energy we don’t have from the higher chakras through will alone. Sometimes there is no cost, but if you are burnt out this behavior is enabling future continued burnout and must stop. Practice by completing activities when you first start to feel that you’re absolutely Done and need to stop, rather than pushing for 10 more minutes or however much longer you’re telling yourself to stay on task. Practice this with low stakes activities to cultivate a feeling of safety around the act of listening to your inner signals. If you want to try this with something that you really seriously need to finish within a time frame, respond to the indicators of your capacity by taking breaks/rest time before you’re completely depleted that way even if there’s still stuff to push through you’re supporting yourself through it and not ignoring your needs.
Reschedule appointments that are not urgent. Reschedule meetings and hangouts to accommodate rescheduled appointments. If you need to choose between a breakdown that’s going to ruin your week just skip the dentist. And if you need to choose between skipping the dentist again or meeting a friend go to the dentist and meet your friend after. Bonus points if you allow yourself to be vulnerable and ask them to meet you close to your appointment. Prioritize what’s important while leaving room for error and having a backup prioritization plan.
Don’t wear clothes that don’t fit. I don’t mean this in a fashion police way but more like, if the clothes don’t fit you as you want to the extent that it’s physically distracting as you move and increasing your discomfort, don’t wear them. Not while burnt out. Maybe not ever. We need to conserve energy, not waste it on the pants you always fuss with or the shoes that give you blisters.
Stop trying to do the thing that’s not working. Or rather, try to get at it from a different angle. I’ve been trying daily to nap and have failed every time. Set a goal to take more naps like two years ago and I’m still failing. At this point it feels wack to sit around every day berating myself for not getting the rest I need, the self-judgment is useless and it’s not helping me move forward or address why the naps aren’t happening. Instead of continuing to set a goal that I feel horrible about not being able to achieve every single day of my life, it feels like it would be wise to perhaps set a different goal to address whatever is nap-blocking me. Am I addicted to working and creating and consuming? Yes maybe. Am I paralyzed by my unregulated nervous system as a result of overriding my own capacity too many times to count? Yes maybe. But what can I do about that? Right now my goal is to tune into that little voice I mentioned more often or at least be aware of what happens / how I feel when I don’t listen to it.
Free yourself from being the friend that is unresponsive by being honest. Honesty doesn’t need to involve oversharing. Often I tend to feel that people should realize everyone has their own stuff going on internally and externally but sometimes they don’t. I don’t believe anyone is obligated to answer a message right away even if they’re available and feeling good, and I assume people respond to me at a time that works logistically and emotionally for them. It can be frustrating to feel judged for taking time for yourself, having people assume that your lack of presence is because you find friendship “inconvenient.” We can all free ourselves from this judgement by being real with each other and sharing when we’re in phases that make communication and planning difficult. A simple “I’m taking some space for myself” should be respected, and some would even say implied by silence. So this recommendation is two-part: communicate your needs to friends so that there are fewer misunderstandings, but also do the work yourself to give people grace as adulthood has many seasons some rife with grief, busy with work, or calling for hermitude. We should all have friends who don’t automatically consider our breakdowns or lapses in communication or presence a sign that we don’t value or love them. It is by honoring and embracing friendships even in their more distant periods that I’ve been able to hold lasting ones that cannot be shattered so easily by time or silence.
Play a game, goddamnit. My dad taught me chess when I was very little so it’s my favorite. I also enjoy scrabble, sorry! and any card game you teach me. One summer I played a lot of scopa, another summer a lot of go fish. Big fan of Mario Cart. Please play a game, even if you enter it begrudging and jaded just open your heart and let some joy slip in. Joy is vital to resilience. A game is an easy way to stumble upon joy. If you don’t have the chance or access, set an intention to play more games just for fun and keep your eyes out for opportunities to come into your experience.
Stop trying to get everything “right.” It is wasting energy and breeding new strains of self-doubt. Aim to cultivate self-trust and lessen fear of doubt instead of trying to figure out the one correct way to do something. The idea that there is only one correct way to do anything is an illusion, preventing many from carving out precise unique ways of being that work with their internal pace and capacity. Find role models who are unconventional, look to people who broke barriers, broke rules, did it differently and did it well. Find inspiration in the vast variety of life in our world, in how different people start their days, what they do. Instead of telling yourself what you must do, take the time to be discerning and decide what you WANT to do, how you want to live. Once you decide that it’s okay to have desires in life that break the mold of what you’ve been told is available, you create space for very specific impeccably well-suited things to enter your life.
The little feeling told me to stop here.