The body
I feel myself not liking typing on my phone as much. I used to love it, prefer it. I used to feel almost guilty turning away from my journal and toward the ease of the notes app. I’ll just transcribe it later if it’s important, so what if a few entries are digital. Being in the mood for a different medium has always drove the perfectionist in me crazy. I do think it’s better to write a quick note on a napkin than nothing at all.
I have been forgetting how to properly rest. Even when the work is done and there is nothing left to do I am unsure what to do with myself. Sometimes I am so tired when I’m done that I can’t even get myself to shower. Or else I’ll be in the shower and I’ll just feel so exhausted suddenly that the idea of getting out and drying off and moisturizing and getting dressed in something cozy, a ritual that in other times has been deeply soothing, feels like too much work. On those days I spent too long in the shower, I stand there in the steam while my painted walls sweat and my skin prunes and turns red. I google “red skin after shower” and it says the shower is too hot. Everyone says cooler showers, or at least letting the water run cold at the end, is best for the body. My mom takes cold plunges outside even when summer has faded and in we are in the chilly days of October and the water is 50 degrees. In 60 degree water I might reluctantly join her but in 50 degrees I watch and feel chicken.
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